As many of you know, my Dad has lived with us for the past two years and has been in and out of the hospital pretty much my entire life. He left this world peacefully, in his sleep, here at home, surrounded by love yesterday, January 31, 2012. I will be taking some time off to mourn and am not sure yet how long I will need. I am hoping that by next week I will be up to returning calls and e-mails but I appreciate your patience and understanding.

I’ve heard the arguments from both sides a thousand times on business owners getting personal and being transparent. I definitely side with being transparent. I ask each of my clients to trust me enough to open up and show me who they are and I cannot imagine not doing the same in return.

The holiday season has been a very rough one here at the Thomes House. Throughout the month of November I struggled with keeping up with my busy season in photographing and editing the last of the year’s weddings and portrait sessions, filling print orders, designing albums and holiday cards, fielding new requests almost daily that I did not have time for… all the while my personal life was pretty crazy with my Dad recovering from major surgery and my husband opening a new restaurant at the Mall of America in Minnesota and being gone for almost the entire month. Throughout all of this my health declined and I was dealing with relentless debilitating headaches every day as well as seasonal colds for both my daughter and I.

December came and things were looking better all around… until about halfway through the month. On the 16th I rushed my Dad to the ER with high blood sugar which isn’t all that uncommon for him - he is a type 1 diabetic and his blood sugar is often off the wall in both directions. Normally I would not have even taken him to the hospital at that point but his body’s response to the insulin I injected him with was the opposite of what it should have been and this left me very uneasy. Off to the ER we went, expecting that he may possibly stay overnight but certainly no longer than that. Boy was I wrong. While in the ER I learned that he was suffering from diabetic ketoacidosis and his cardiac enzymes were really off as well. I was very confused as he was just fine and his sugar hadn’t been very high for very long. They admitted him to the ICU and he slept through almost his entire first 2 1/2 days there. The day he woke up we were told that he had had a heart attack - no symptoms or anything - but this would make his second heart attack. Upon talking to my dad for a few minutes I excused myself and left the room to speak to his nurse. He was very different. Something was wrong. The person in the room looked like my Dad but he wasn’t acting like my Dad. He was forgetting everything and saying some off the wall things. I let the nurse know that he was definitely “off” and asked her why. They hadn’t noticed anything wrong but she said that with his kidneys being messed up that could be the reason why and to let the doctor know tomorrow. The next day he was even more off the wall. I mentioned it again to a different nurse, asked more questions and asked her to please tell the doctor about my concerns as the doctor was never available when I wanted to speak to her. At this point I had been repeatedly told (after asking what they were giving him) that he had only been given fluids to flush his kidneys. That night he was moved from the ICU to the step down unit. I was given many reasons to “explain” my Dad’s “off” behavior but none of them really seemed right to me. The 5th day was one of the worst days I have ever experienced. The man that I went to visit looked like my Dad but it was like there was nothing left of the man that I know as my Dad in that body. In fact, the man that I saw that day was about as polar opposite of my Dad as you can get. In my first 5 minutes there he had tried to rip the IV out of the artery in his neck which would have resulted in him bleeding to death very quickly. Even after I explained this he continued. I screamed for help and a nurse came in and told him the same thing. He continued. She threatened to have him put in restraints and he threatened her and anyone who tried to do so. The things he said made absolutely no sense at all, he seemed to be in a massive time warp coupled with a fantasy world, he was hallucinating, screaming at me, tried to hit me and he was so horribly mean to me for no reason. That is NOT who my Dad is. In the middle of all of this his doctor came in to let him know that they would likely be releasing him later in the day, said something about the antibiotic he was on (I thought he was only on fluids?!) and she walked out. I chased her down, protested his release, loudly voiced my increasing concerns, reminded her who I am (next of kin, healthcare proxy) and demanded answers. She blew me off but agreed to call for a neurology consult and walked away. I returned to the room where things continued to go bad. When I couldn’t take any more I ran out of the room in hysterics and just froze outside of his door. I stood there, leaning against the wall, sobbing, feeling scared, hurt and hopeless. A wonderful nurse’s aid named Robyn came to me, got me some coffee, kleenex, an ear to listen and a place to calm myself. She brought my Dad’s nurse to me so I could talk to her. Try as I might, I simply could not collect myself enough to go back into my Dad’s room, even after an hour of trying to pull it together, so I went home without saying goodbye. That afternoon the walk to my car and the drive home seemed infinitely longer than it ever had before. The house was so empty and my mind and heart were so heavy. My husband was out running errands and had left his cell at home. I cried so hard for so long. After my husband came home and I managed to choke back some of my tears long enough to tell him what had happened, we both went back to the hospital. Dad was exhausted from all of the earlier excitement and he slept most of the time we were there and only spoke once when he was awake. While we were there I made sure to check out what antibiotic they had him on (he is allergic to two) but it was one I was not familiar with. As we walked to the car my husband asked if I was disappointed that Dad didn’t do anything crazy in front of him… “No. I know you believe me and I don’t think that I could have handled any more today”. After we had dinner and got our daughter to bed I looked up the medication that they had my Dad on - turns out that the “severe side effects” (that you should immediately let your doctor know about if you experience any of them) explained every single thing that was going on with my Dad. Of course, I had to forward these side effects to my family. My best friend did a little research and found that they shouldn’t have even given him that medication in the first place as it is not recommended for diabetics. UGH! We aren’t doctors, nurses or even in the medical field… why did it take us doing this research to come up with this?! The next morning I went to the hospital and immediately asked the nurse to call the doctor and order him to be taken off of that medication. My request was met with some argument but in the end I pushed the issue and reminded them that they legally had to oblige. From that day on I voice recorded my visits in their entirety. That evening my husband and daughter went back with me. When we left my husband said “Yep - he’s totally lost it. He’s as nutty as a fruitcake”. Each day brought new and interesting things… random wild stories from my Dad about how he had been working the last two nights in a row doing HVAC with my husband and someone named Jack, days when he couldn’t remember who my daughter was (her name or her relation to him), days where he just completely shut down and gave up. I truly believe that it was the medication that caused the mental issues that my Dad experienced and I am very thankful that I was wise enough to do the research and insist on them discontinuing it. I have dealt with doctors and hospitals way too often and I am a very firm believer in doing your research and being your own advocate - or being an advocate for someone who isn’t well enough to be their own. Doctors are human too - they can and do make mistakes and they do sometimes make judgements of their patients and families that affect patient care. Just like any other profession and people in general, there are the good and the bad… if you are fortunate enough to find a GREAT one, just make sure that you don’t take him/her for granted!

Christmas morning in the hospital was not the best Christmas memory I have but I will say that it was the first time that I felt hopeful in 9 days. He was coming back around. He was remembering more, imagining less and his personality was starting to very slowly creep back. He smiled. We gave him a digital photo frame and my husband loaned him his iPod (which apparently he believes we bought him for Christmas - so be it) and the music and photos seemed to help. It was hard when he asked who one of our dogs was… he was with me when I adopted him and he’s been a part of our family for almost a year. It was hard leaving him to head to my in-laws’ house for Christmas dinner but at least we had hope again.

He is home now and things are a lot better than they were. We are in the middle of a million doctor follow up appointments and getting ready to schedule surgery for his heart. Every day is still a struggle but some are easier than others. My Aunt and cousin will be here from Florida in 2 days and I’m so anxious for them to get here. I hope that their visit will be a good one and that they will feel better after seeing my Dad. They’ll be here to go to the cardiologist with us and I am so thankful for that.

I am so incredibly thankful to all of you who have been keeping my Dad and our family in your thoughts and prayers and for my clients who have been so very patient. I still have hundreds of e-mails and a dozen or so voice messages to get caught up on so if you have not yet heard from me, please accept my apology and know that I will get back to you when I can. If your need is somewhat urgent, please send me another quick e-mail or call to let me know.

Now don’t get all up in a huff about my incorrect use of a word- I know that there is a difference between presents and presence. =) I don’t care about the duvet cover or gravy boat that you’re giving the lovely couple. What I do care about is ya’ll being PRESENT for the wedding. Actually paying attention and experiencing it. That means eyes looking up at them, ears listening. It seems that every year I see less and less people actually having respect for the marriage ceremony and doing what they were invited to do - that is to witness the uniting of the couple and have a great time celebrating.

I attend a lot of weddings. I see just about every moment of each one and I photograph it. I am constantly scanning my surroundings and noticing things. That’s my job. The wedding couple paid me a good chunk of their budget to be there to do this job and they are entrusting me with capturing the moments, details, relationships and nuances of the day. One of the things that has gotten increasingly disturbing is the friends and family (heck sometimes even vendors!) of the couple are only observing through THEIR camera or cell phone. Almost every wedding that I’ve been to this year had more people “witnessing” the ceremony by looking at a camera LCD, taking a photo and then staring into their laps at the photo they just took or uploading an image to facebook DURING THE CEREMONY rather than actually watching the ceremony and listening to the words being said. Really? To make matters much worse, it is also increasingly common that the aisle is flooded with guests taking their photos and videos and getting in the way of those hired to do a job. I am all for your friends and family taking photos… as long as they aren’t preventing me from getting mine. I do wish for everyone’s sake that they would put the electronics down and pay attention though. At a recent wedding, a family member or friend, I’m not entirely sure which, was so busy taking photos during the processional of the ceremony that he didn’t even realize that he was between the bride and groom as the bride walked down the aisle! The groom couldn’t see his bride and the bride (and most of the guests) couldn’t see the groom’s face… not that he had a big reaction since he couldn’t see her! Immediately after this happens I am crowded out by a rush of people trying to get their shot as the bride’s father gives her away. Guests just camped out, standing in the aisle, blocking any chance I had at a nice overall shot down the petal coated aisle. Sure, I can throw my telephoto on and crop you out but I’m sure that the couple would like a variety of close-ups and wide shots and certainly some without heads and elbows popping up in the background (on the other side of the couple and officiant!) and out of the center aisle. I’ve had a flurry of guests and sometimes other vendors recently trying to tell me how to do my job: “You’re supposed to use THIS (tacky thing) as your background!”, “Hey honey, your flash is pointed at the wall - learn how to use it!”, “it’s a shame that you did (exactly what the couple asked you to do) - you really should have (done it my way)”, or to really cross the line, a man just picked me up and put me on his shoulders without asking or even warning me! It seems that common sense and common courtesy are not so common anymore. Of course, another part of my job is to have thick skin and be pleasant to everyone so I usually just smile and kill ‘em with kindness. How many of you would let things like this totally slide and keep a smile on your face if someone did them to you at YOUR job? My guess is not many.

Please, for the couple’s sake, put the phones and cameras away and enjoy the wedding. If you want to take a few shots from behind the hired professionals or from your seat, please do - but please please please stay out of the aisle during the ceremony, sit when the officiant asks everyone to sit and allow the professionals to do the jobs that they were hired and entrusted to do.

Just a note to let ya’ll know that my personal responsibilities are outnumbering and outweighing those of my business at the moment. My Dad is again receiving IV antibiotics for a raging bone infection and medicare, the dears that they are, don’t cover home IV therapy. Add this to the wound care and billions of calls and appointments and oh yeah - being a MOM and you get ZERO left over time. My apologies if it takes me extra long to get back to you. E-mail is by far the preferred way to contact me right now. Thanks.

Life as art

Now through May 28th, Gallery Wrap Canvases are 30% off! These are my absolute favorite way to showcase your images - they are elegant, gorgeous, timeless and ready to hang - no framing, no fuss. Please let me know if you need pricing again!

Fill ‘er up!

My 2011 wedding calendar, that is. I’m offering some sweet bonuses to fill up my remaining 2011 wedding dates - $200 off AND a $500 product credit! Dates are filling up fast so if you’re interested in booking your 2011 wedding with me don’t delay!

Mom & Me mini sessions

In honor of Mother’s Day and the special bond that I have with my daughter, I’m offering the biggest savings I’ve ever offered - $50 gets you a short mini session (mother and child(ren) only, please but there is no age limit!) in either New Windsor or Newburgh, online proofing and ordering and… wait for it… your $50 gets transferred into a print credit after your session is complete! You choose the type of location you would like - field, waterfront, urban - and I choose the actual location and the perfect time for the best light in that particular spot (typically late afternoon/early evening). These sessions make a great gift for mom (or grandma) or you can use the images as a father’s day gift! Multi-generational mom & child photos are awesome too so don’t forget to include grandma!

Now, I’m not giving permission for every bride to go certifiable crazy and end up a raging Bridezilla - if that could be you, please move on to some other poor schmuck’s photographer’s site. No, I’m talking about the theme, personality, size and feel of your wedding and how it should fit your personalities and what YOU want.

Why do engaged couples feel so much pressure to have “fairy tale weddings”, “perfect weddings” or “romantic weddings” even if it doesn’t fit their personalities and style? Is it family pressure? Mom’s idea of a wedding and she’s paying? Is it to “keep up with the Joneses” (your friends)? Is it the Platinum Weddings - Say Yes to the Dress - Four Weddings - wedding reality TV programming that’s making brides feel guilty or left out about not having an over the top super romantic wedding? Where do we get this notion that a bride and a groom HAVE TO BE gently caressing faces, staring lovingly into each others’ eyes all day? Why does the groom have to “dip” the bride for their photos or the first dance? Why do they have to take turns kissing one another on the cheek? Is it wedding vendors’ (photographers included) websites and marketing? Bridal magazines? What if that just isn’t YOU? What if you’re a fun and silly couple and not mushy-gushy romantic? What if you don’t care for public displays of affection? What if you simply don’t like being the center of attention? What if you don’t have the money or the desire to have a grand ballroom wedding? Maybe they just don’t realize that there are tons of options to make a wedding awesome AND have it fit their style.

What some couples don’t realize is that by having a wedding that really reflects them, not only can THEY have more fun but their guests can too. When I think back on weddings that I’ve been to, it isn’t the price tag, the expensive centerpieces, the 7 piece band or even the food (good or bad) that really stick out in my head… it’s the overall feel of the wedding and the attitude of the couple. Were they happy - did they have fun? Were they over the moon excited about getting married and relaxed about the reception or were they viewing the ceremony as a chore and stressing over every detail all day long? Your guests will notice if you’re stressed out and not having fun and sh… er, uh… STUFF… rolls down hill as they say.

As a photographer I photograph a lot of couples. Some are very romantic, some are shy, some love to laugh together, some love to dance, some like to make funny faces at one another… what I want to capture is YOU - whatever your personalities are, whatever floats your boat, not what anyone else says is what a bride and groom should be. If you don’t want any “formal” or “posed” photos - just say the word and I’ll happily capture candids all day… if you want me to give you some guidance on what to do when it’s just the two of you in front of the lens I can certainly do that too… but I’ll make sure that I suggest something that suits your personalities and the vibe that you give. THIS is the main reason that I include an engagement session with my wedding coverage - to get to know you. It is so much more difficult to figure out what would suit you if I don’t know you!

Yes, I get it. It’s your “BIG DAY”. You want to impress everyone… or in some cases just shut them up. Just make sure that you remember what the day is really about and remember to have fun - whatever that means to you!

Life is a juggling act. I’ve learned this and I have come to accept it over the years. Parenting, however, is much more intense juggling… think juggling 15 flaming razor sharp swords INTENSE. Even after almost 7 1/2 years I am still learning and I struggle at times. Aside from balancing being a parent with the rest of your responsibilities, there is this delicate balance between being supportive and creating an overly inflated ego, rewarding and bribing, teaching independence and spending quality time together, helping and teaching your child to do for their self. If you screw up you just KNOW that years down the road your child will be sitting in a psychiatrist’s office (or worse, an arresting officer!) talking about how all of their failures are your fault. So how do you know that you’re doing the right things? How do you KNOW what the right choices are? How do you know what to say when your child starts slacking off on their age appropriate responsibilities? Do you talk to them about it? Yell at them? Punish them? Bribe them? What do you do when they come home from school and tell you that they got in trouble for something that they claim they didn’t do? Do you believe them, no questions asked? Do you march into the principal’s office and tell them that your child couldn’t have possibly done what he or she is accused of? Do you automatically think that your child is hiding the truth from you so as not to get further punishment from you? Everyone has different opinions and different answers to these questions and these can vary with each incident.

We have done our best to raise a respectful, responsible, caring, self confident little girl and she IS a very awesome, caring and smart young lady. Perhaps we went a little far on the self confidence though. It seems that it really started to go downhill at the start of second grade this year - she stopped TRYING, started arguing about EVERYTHING, started copping an attitude left and right and starting flat out ignoring us when we ask her to do things. She knows everything, after all. She’s a master at everything she has ever tried. She most certainly knows more than any adult does. Or so she thinks. Everything has always come so easy for her - she has always been ahead of her peers in pretty much everything - now she is sliding backwards because she rushes through everything without putting any thought or effort into it at all. She doesn’t try her best at anything anymore. It’s always about just finishing the current task at hand as quickly as possible so that she can move on to something else. It doesn’t matter what it is or how excited she is about it - everything is this way lately. Everything seems to have turned into a chore for her and she isn’t taking pride in what she’s doing. Handwriting, homework, school work, karate, guitar, making friendship bracelets, doing craft projects together, helping to cook dinner, brushing her teeth, singing a song she wrote… absolutely everything is half assed (pardon the expression but I couldn’t put it any other way!), hurried and “good enough”. I’ve talked to her about it, yelled at her about it at times, told her (even on a checklist to remind her!) what is expected of her, told her I was disappointed (which made her cry), I’ve taken privileges away, offered rewards for consistent good behavior (being responsible and trying her best), let her know that I was proud of her whenever she did make any real effort and gave gentle reminders along the way when she was starting to slip. I’ve spent countless hours working with her on practicing her handwriting, karate, guitar, homework, etc. and encouraged her to always take her time and do her best. To take pride in what she does. IF I get through to her it’s usually only for a day or two at the most. We have had a few long talks over the last couple of days and I am crossing my fingers that she REALLY listened and will REALLY try this time. I know that it isn’t going to be an overnight permanent change but I am really hoping that things start to improve because I don’t like feeling like I’m ALWAYS reprimanding and nagging… and I am quite certain that she doesn’t like it either! Any parents out there care to weigh in or commiserate?

I am grabbing my box of tissues and hanging my “Do Not Disturb” sign while I work on a heart felt memorial slideshow over the next couple of days. One of my clients lost her father to cancer this morning and he had asked me to assist him in creating this for his family. Unfortunately his time came much sooner than expected and there is still much work to be done. Please keep the Johnson family in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you for your patience while I complete this special project. <3

The Hudson Valley Cutest Kid Contest was a huge hit! I am so glad that I left the voting up to all of you because it would have been an extremely tough decision for me to make. All of the kids are super cute and I loved looking through them as the entries rolled in. After a very close race, the winner of the free 2 hour portrait session is 8 month old Parker Renee! CONGRATULATIONS!!! Thank you so much again to everyone who entered and voted!

Checking my e-mail has never been so much fun! The last few weeks I’ve been taking entries for the Hudson Valley Cutest Kid contest and the entries have been so much fun to see! I’m really glad that I’m leaving the decision up to all of you because I don’t think I could choose! So many cute kids and I loved the notes from the parents too! =)

Voting ends September 8th at 11:59 PM EST and you can only vote once so make it count! The winner will receive a complimentary 2 hour photo session with me worth $250 - and just in time for holiday portrait season! Best of luck to all of the participants - I’m excited to see the results! Let the voting begin (and don’t forget to recruit your friends and family to vote too)!

Parker Renee:

Sydney:

Gavin:

Aiden:

Gracie:

Patrick:

Ilana Paige:

Mackenzie:

Hayden:

Maggie:

Halie:

Erin MacKenzie:

Devin:

Tyler:

Adriana:

CLICK HERE TO VOTE!